[ Intro (announcing) ]
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here
Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
An' started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (ahh!)
It's the return of the—"Oh, wait. No way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said…nothing you idiots!
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (haha!)
Feminist women love Eminem ‹vocal scratches: tika tika tika›
"Slim Shady? I'm sick of him! Look at him! Walkin' around
Grabbin' his you-know-what, flippin' the you-know-who"
"Yeah but he's so cute though!" Yeah, I probably got a coupla screws
Up in my head loose, but it's no worse
Than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms (uh! uh! uh!)
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose
But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade, they've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
"We ain't nothin' but mammals"…well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes ‹slurp›
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason a man and another man can't elope ([Ken] eww!)
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose; sing the chorus, and it goes
[ Chorus ] x 2
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well I do. So fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win? Wouldn't it be wierd?"
Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here?
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears? (excuse me)
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV, "Yeah he's cute
But I think he's married to Kim, hee hee!"
I should download her audio on MP3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D. (aah!)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you ‹static›
And there's a million of us just like me, who cuss like me
Who just don't give a fuck like me, dress like me
Walk, talk, and act like me, and just might be
The next best thing, but not quite me!
[ Chorus ] x 2
I'm like a head-trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it in fronta y’all
And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it ‹vocal scratch: errr›
I just shit it better than 90 percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how these kids eat up these albums like Valiums
It's funny, cause at the rate I'm goin', when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirtin'
Pinchin' nurses asses while I'm jackin' off with Jergens
An' I'm jerkin', but this whole bag of Viagra isn't workin'
And every single person is a Slim Shady, lurkin'
He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings ‹hochs loogy›
Or in the parkin' lot circlin', screamin' "I don't give a fuck!"
With his windows down and his system up
So will the real Shady please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind, and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
[ Chorus ] x 4
[ Outro ]
‹laughs› Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up |
